I’m sitting in Oakland Airport listening to what appears to be a very intelligent person spilling proprietary information across the entire waiting area. I’m going to be kind to this doofus and disguise the name of his company and the identity of the individual on the other end of the phone, although both are now known to me. He’s a jobber of some kind who works in telecommunications. His business has gotten more national in scope, so he’s got to decline the proposal that was made by Kent, who works for ABCD, another firm that’s up to something more local to northern California. This guy’s name is Steve. He used to work more locally, but now his work takes him across the land, in fact he has absolutely no real business in the Bay Area at all right now.
Kent seems to have abandoned his big proposal and is suggesting an hourly rate. Steve is going to talk to Jerry about this idea, which he thinks is fair because obviously Kent needs to clear his overhead and can’t work for free. Steve is going to Los Angeles. Jerry is the head of their tax practice and is a real good guy. Steve has hung up now and is speaking with his office about his schedule. I now know what he’s got going on for the next three days.
What does he imagine? Does he think he’s inaudible? That his bluetooth gives him Wonder Woman’s cloak of invisibility? That his information is so unimportant that everybody in a 50 foot circumference should be okay to hear it? Now he’s got his head down on the table in front of him. He’s sleeping. Waiting for his phone to ring again, I guess.
Last week I sat waiting for an airplane to take off and heard all about how Ned didn’t like the reading his Law department was giving him on a contract with Disney. I learned a lot about him, and a lot about Disney’s purchasing department, not that I plan to do anything with the information. I can’t imagine that Mickey and Goofy wanted me to hear it, though. And it’s not like I was eavesdropping, either. You can’t ignore these guys. They are businessmen, and businessmen have a certain timbre to their voices. Businessmen are loud. They enunciate. They give a little basso to their profundo. They’re as distinctive and unavoidable as a crying baby.
I’m going to offer a few tidbits of information to you Bluetooth Blabbermouths out there:
1. You are really audible.
2. Your conversation is a weird admixture of boring and fascinating, like gossip about individuals you don’t know.
3. Your Bluetooth setup doesn’t create a karmic bubble that insulates you from the ears and eyes of others.
4. It is quite possible that a competitor is listening to you and taking notes.
5. Privacy that is not protected is lost.
For the rest of us? I suggest, when the situation becomes truly intrusive, a little intervention. Simply go over to the Steves of this world and say, “Too bad you had to bother Kent on his vacation to decline his proposal.” I guarantee you the recipient of this observation will be utterly horrified. How dare you listen in to his private conversation?!
Geez, Bing. I thought I was behind the times; but you could have written this exact same thing 15 years ago (not the Bluetooth-specific angle, but everything else). Most of the “Steves” I know wouldn’t be horrified at all that you overheard everything they said. They would absolutely love it. Makes them feel important that people are listening to them. I’m thinking that it may be a compensating mechanism.
Where there are busy places and busy faces like the mid-way of the amusement park, airport, or bus depot, the carny, like the weasel, will prey on the unsuspecting patrons.
“Infiltrating The World Of The Carnies: Harmon leon-Infiltrator.” Google.
Pimps don’t change, only their tools do. Have a good read.
The Steves of the world have not the courage to listen to what might be going on inside the head, poke nose into a book, or manipulate the tiles of mind-gymnastic Words with Friends.
Bing, the only thing worse than hearing this stuff while waiting at an airport is hearing it while you’re answering nature’s call in a bathroom stall. There’s always some dickweed next door, talking on his bluetooth ’bout everything under the sun as if he were enjoying the old ‘Get Smart Cone of Silence’. I swear to god it’s more intrusive than having Senator Larry Craig sweep his big-ass ‘wide-stance’ politician wingtip under the divider. That’s when I fire-up the ol’ droid with its flatulance app….the recipient of those calls is gonna get an idea of my neighbor’s location.
It does, however, give me a neat idea…I need to get one of these devices, wear it around saying nasty things about bystanders, and then give them irritated looks like I feel they’re invading my privacy.
Welcome back, Bing!
I’m still puzzled by the perceived necessity for Bluetooth when the user is not operating an automobile. It’s a ridiculous look and I fail to see how the hands-free “benefit” of Bluetooth comes into play unless the user is incredibly maladroit at business luggage management (in which case the poor schlep’s employer might want to second guess their decision to send him into the field in the first place).
I’m also puzzled as to the wisdom or lack thereof which goes into the decision to conduct a business call out in the open. Back in the good old days we had these things called “phone booths.” Even the ones that weren’t suitable for superhero wardrobe changes were at least outfitted with some semblence of a partition in order to provide users with an opportunity to maintain a slight modicum of discretion. At what point did businessfolk decide they no longer needed to keep their business communications on the down-low? Sure, there may not be that many phone booths around any more but in this day and age there’s hardly a significant airport in this country which doesn’t have an ample supply of vacant gates and/or otherwise unoccupied space that would better accommodate not-so-public cellular chitchat.
Finally, my wholly unscientific research has led me to the following two conclusions:
(1) Approximately 63.52% of all superauditory Bluetooth gabfests are wholly non-essential calls which were placed for no reason other than to inflate the deluded caller’s sense of self-importance
(2) The other 36.48% of these “calls” are nothing more than people with phony/inoperable Bluetooth headsets pretending to look busy and important. Not that I’d have any personal experience with that type of deranged, anti-social behavior or anything…
Those with low self esteem and who are possibly neurotic or psychotic seem to rule our lives in close quarters. Their screwed up ways of feeling good about themselves projects the distress they feel to those wihin visual and audible range of themselves.
Just listen to how Power figures make suggestions. “Remember, no one can make you feel inferior with out your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt. Like, it’s O.K. to put with bullshit?
“Healthy self esteem means feeling good about yourself. Rather, you have a positive attitude about yourself and pride in your accomplishes.” Can it be any wonder why bosses snort fire like the proverbial dragon? Eh?
{The ten commandments of self esteem by Catherine Cardinal.}
Ten commandments of self esteem. 1. Thou shalt not consort with people who make thee feel bad about thyself. 2. Thou shalt cease trying to make sense of crazy behavior. 3. Thou shalt not keep company with those more dysfunctional than thyself. 4. Trust thy body all the days of thy life [thy mind doth fornicate with thee]. 5. Thou hast permission at all times to say “no”, to change thy mind, and to express thy true feelings. 6. What is not right for thee is not right for thy brethern. 7. Thou shalt not give beyond thine own capacity. 8. What thy brethern think of thee mattereth not. 9. Wherever thou art, therein also is the part. 10. Thou shalt sing thine own praises all the days of thy life.
Note, most times when people travel by planes, trains, or automobiles they’re focused on their destinations. The business man, perhaps like Rupert Murdoch, going to get fried, or the soldier going back to the combat zone and are confined in a cramped capsule with a load of low self esteemed cohorts might divert their thoughts from destination to rage. Ten commandments in church or in therapy is apropos and that’s where they should be left. Serious people are not into silly. Like Aretha Franklin says–a little respect.
Using Spokane Mike’s nomenclature, a proposed corollary:
Bluetooth Dickweed’s volume is proportional to babe proximity.
It is also believed that the appearance of Boomer Bluetooth is one of the signs of the Apocalypse, or, at the very least, Apocalypse Now.
And the latter may be bad enough.
Colonel Walter E. Kurtz, white courtesy telephone, United Airlines.
Colonel Walter E. Kurtz, white cuoutesy telephone, United Airlines.
Bing, your transcriptions of the overheard on Twitter look like a great idea! I wonder if it’s possible for those of us in your posse from the Fortune days to chip in? I think it’d be at least a hoot and maybe over time enough for your next booklet or book.
Cliff, I think it’s a great idea! I think the whole world should report on Bluetooth conversations they overhear and send them in to me! I’m going to implement it immediately! And welcome back!
On your post, the only thing we need to remember is Rule #5. I hope that’s what everyone learns from this News Of The World expose.
During WWII hoarding was rampant to the point the government had to ration food, clothing, shoes, gasoline, and any other commodity any one can think of; nylon stockings for women were non existant.
Today, the hoarding mentality is as much in play as at anytime in the past; mainly, information hoarding. Information is treated as a status symbol by those lacking self esteem. The wireless toys avalanche that has encompased the globe plays right into the hands of; yes, the mindless, self-esteemed-deprived, wannabees.
During WWII it was rationing stamps and tokens; today, it’s a cell phone. Wireless junk is no more than a smoke screen while we continue to spiral into the “Sixth extinction” on what may be the “Soma” anesthesia enabling us to feel good on the trip getting there.
It’s the equivalent of carrying a transparent briefcase.
Larry David does a bit on “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” or “Curb” as someone on Bluetooth would call it, where he just starts talking loudly to himself to get back at a nearby diner. Could be an easy, low-cost solution.
Welcome back, Jeff.
What country has the most highly educated criminals? Relevent question? Yes?
Computer forensics and e-governance with information and communications technology (ICT)related to cyber crime. Cyber crime includes phone calls, messages, e-mails, electronic files etc..
Information warfare is now recognized as a national threat with increased use of (ICT) by criminals, isurgents, and terrorists.
Most states have computer forensics units, they are very much dependent on the computer forensics cells of the central laboratories.
India’s computer forensics cells in the central forensics laboratories (CFSLs) general examiners of questioned documents (GEQDS) at Chandgarn, Hyderabad, Kolkata, Shimla and CFSL CBI in New Delhi possess a higher right in computer forensics than the U.S.?
Computer forensics examines computer devices, networks, routers, volatile memories, digital cards, and telephone call details.
Have we transplanted America’s leading technology edge to India? Are we a dependent country for our security? Does the IMF now tell the U.S. to fess up, pay up, and increase the debt ceiling or default to loose status as a World power. Have we lost the meaning of “Leadership”? Feed the greedy-screw the needy!
SEVEN OF NINE…’Nuff said.
It’s in the eyes of the beholder. John Boehner has assimilated into a character role like the mighty General, George Patton. “The Republican party must get its {Ass In Order}”. Funny how pressure can change a lump of coal into a diamond! Duh?
Excerpts from John Petrie’s collection of Thomas Jefferson Quotes:
I think myself that we have more machinery of government than is necessary, too many parasites living on the labor of the industrious. (Back then!)
Were we directed from Wshington when to sow and when to reap, we should soon want bread.
The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.
I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.
I’m a great believer of luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.
I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just.
In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile liberty.
Historians always write history the way they themselves characterize it the they would like it to be, not the way the man intended it.
Thank you John Petrie; quotes are the most accurate way to to speak for men who aren’t here to speak for themselves.
Interesting? Congress played the debt ceiling game with the mentality of “Little Red Riding Hood”. Little did they consider the “Wolf”, credit downgrade, was licking its chops in the bush waiting to feast. Wall Street parties again!