Bing Blog

10 things George Washington never did on his birthday

George Washington

1. Attend the big white sale blowout at the mall.

2. Cut a cake simply because it was the third Monday in February.

3. Dance around with Abraham Lincoln to music by John Philip Sousa to make people aware of the GREAT DEALS available at Bud's Used Cars. In fact, it is possible that he never actually knew Abraham Lincoln.

4. It is therefore improbable that he sat around Mount Vernon feeling bad that the celebration of his birthday had essentially eradicated festivities surrounding Abraham Lincoln's Birthday.

5. Take a couple of days in Cabo over the three-day weekend.

6. Stand in line for 45 minutes for the all you can eat breakfast buffet at the Marriott, which is still pretty much worth it.

7. Get 60 messages on his BlackBerry before noon.

8. Spend several hours watching daytime TV because nothing else was on.

9. Google (GOOG) himself.

10. Recognize the right of Congress to legislate when people's birthdays are celebrated.

21 Comments Add Comment

Since George Washington died approximately 10 yuears before Abraham Lincoln was born not only is it "possible that he did not know him", it would be impossible for these gentlemen to have known each other.


Abraham Lincoln wasn't even born yet.

Well, concerning number 3, George died years before Abe was even born, so when you say that it is possible that he did not know Abe, I say it's impossible that he knew Abe. Other than that, this was a riot! I feel sad for him for not getting the Marriott buffet.

Hey I posted this on my blog! Very creative!

Uh, guys... every now and then I need to remind a few of you that occasionally I say things in order to get laughs... and that in so doing maybe point up an actual cultural discrepancy of some sort. I don't like to explain things, but in some cases, it may be necessary. Of course I know that Washington and Lincoln never knew each other. See, that's why I think it's funny to see them cavorting together in bad costumes in car ads and in the newspaper side by side advertising a sale at some stupid store. I bemoan the homogenization of our culture to the extent that we no longer celebrate Washington, Lincoln or anything else, really, every holiday being transformed into an official day off in which we can go shopping. By suggesting the patently ridiculous idea that Lincoln and Washington might have known each other, I am 1) making fun of President's Day and 2) gently pointing out that if we're not careful nobody will know anything about anything, including Washington, Lincoln and Madison, even. In short, give me some credit. And to the reader whose comment I deleted in frustration, my apologies. I actually am, in my own way, doing what I can to honor Mr. Washington, who was always first in war, first in peace and last in the American League.

What?? Where's the breakfast buffet?

Bing, when I run into people that over-react with false intellect; when I read comments like those from today's posting, I like to think back at a phrase I read in Dale Carnegie's 'How to win friends and influence people'...

"I have enough difficulty overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to evenly distribute the gift of intelligence".

Have a great day, and may I apologize for my ignorant countrymen: arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics, even if you win, you've proven yourself to be mentally handicapped.

I thought it was histerical, especially #3.

#1 certainly set the tone. So how could anyone take #3 seriously? unless of course they are a product of the public school system where 25% of the students actually do think that Washington, Lincoln, and Madison all hung out at the same pub. This is better than the 40% that graduated with that notion 10 years ago, but far worse than 50 years ago, when pretty much every child graduated knowing the names of every U.S. president, the capitol of every state in the union, and where to find them on a map.

Way to go Bing. Most of the rest of you need to get a life (and that likely includes me).

In these trying times I often fall back on the precept that
ridicule is better than outrage
; but the reaction to this column reminded me that people tend to miss the point, even when the ridicule is most pointed!

I am really scared for this country if people like Dean, Rancho, Megan actually thought you were serious. I pray they don't have jobs that either teach children or have anything to do with future social security benefits, as both will suffer from people like them.

Anyway, I thought it was funny.

Megan, of course Washington and Lincoln know each other. They've been hanging out in my wallet together for years.

It's like totally possible.

Hence the title"... Washington NEVER (Never!) did" if they want to take it literally, you said NEVER, right?

Unfortunately, these are exactly the type of people I get sat next to at every charity dinner I attend...

That is just great! Reading this brightened my day. I wish I could have been at number 6

Hey Bob, I hope you don't teach children because I did say it was a riot (that is "funny" in case you didn't get it) and do you think that George and Abe were friends?

How can one even try to imagine what a president's life was like; especially, when all we have to go by are the distortedly churned history books our institutions enable us to capture time slices from the past with. We are fed to satisfy our comfort zone, not to challenge our instincts to promote truth rather than myth.

Vote for a WarMonger, like McCain

Waves at Mitch from Scotts Hill and advises him to go and picket the front gate in J'ville and see how to win friends and influence people.


I don't know what's funnier - the original piece or the serious comments. The two presidents hanging out in the wallet together was the best!

give me some information of george washington

Hmm… very interesting list. Maybe it would also be worth reading up on our history and find out just why we celebrate Washington’s birthday? … You could check out the website Shmoop for a cool take on American history and the life and times of George Washington. Your list might change a bit, I think, after reading it.