Serious Studies

10 Things We Learned at the Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission

So Help Me God

1.  Nobody looks good taking a show trial perp oath, which is probably what it's for.

2. When you're leaving a venue after testifying, keep walking. If you don't, the guys with the pads and microphones will swarm you and make you answer questions like, "Mr. Dimon! Does Wall Street get it?"

3. It is possible to be sorry without actually apologizing, and probably a pretty good idea. As Jamie Dimon noted, those who want apologies "have to be very specific" about their requirements, or they are open to charges that 1) they weren't sorry enough, 2) they were sorry for the wrong things, 3) now that they are sorry, how will they be held accountable?

4. Congress is very big on accountability.

5. Wall Street appears to be in favor of more regulation! Did you know that? I didn't.

6. In spite of Wall Street's many sophisticated and profound ideas on regulatory reform, for some reason the lobbying groups representing it appear to be in strong opposition to most legislative efforts in that regard. Does anybody have an explanation for this apparent disconnect?

7. Money cannot buy handsomeness.

8. The aura of power and authority are almost entirely contextual.

9.  It is extremely tedious to observe an inquiry about how to safeguard cows when they have already left the barn.

10. Everybody who's getting a bonus this year will be able to keep it.

17 Comments Add Comment

Number 8 was among the many things illumed at Nurenberg.

Only Goering gave lie to the apparent dichotomy.

Master Race my ass.

just 'show' trials for political coverage. never seen a public forum produce anything of substance. hope i am wrong

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For:

I have climbed the highest mountain,
I sit atop my Sac,
Only to make a buck,
Only to make a buck.

I have run,
Never crawled,
I have scaled
high finance walls
Only to rip you off

But I still haven't found
what I'm looking for

I believe in Kingdom come,
not any time soon,
Lloyd's just begun
Yes, I'm still dealin.

But I still haven't found
what I lookin for,

I shorted bonds,
sold in Norway,
broke the chains
the offshore way,
of my fame,
of my fame.

But I think I might have found
what I'm looking for,
Well I think I might have found what I'm loooking for.

Can you say trillions,
trillions of bucks,
so long suckers,
you just ain't got no luck,
and you peed your pants
and you peed your pants.

Well I think
we might have found
what we're looking for,
Yes, I think
we might have found
what we're looking for.

Re #'s 5 and 6: Fine example of speaking out of both sides of your mouth. The guys before Congress (and Congress itself) has had much experience with this. Like hyping a stock publicly while trashing it privately; or saying one thing to get votes while doing something else entirely to keep major contributors happy.

Typo alert: You inadvertently omitted "for everyone but themselves" from the end of Item 4.

Yale, I actually wrote that, and then deleted it as being too obvious.

Laughing out loud at #7 gave me the only satisfaction I've rec'd from the inquiry.

The only congressional inquiry worth watching is the one in Godfather Part II. It's not in 3D, but it still holds up.

11. Competition must be hidden in the other 10 somewhere.

NFL competition is 2 teams of 11 players each go on the field to compete. In the end, both teams leave the field dirty, beaten, and tired, but there is only 1 winning team.

Wall Street competition is very fragmented making it harder to compete. It seems to be perpetual time-out.

Sitting at the desk painting and filing one's finger nails while drinking coffee, or going for a manicure or pedicure at the spa, breathing recirculated air provided by the HVAC system, and trying to look good or cute for the boss imploring him for a "BONUS", tickets for a free lunch, or, you know, a good atta-boy or girl.

The "master race" to me, is exactly what it says: If you're going to make it in the world of competition, you gotta move your ass pronto; no screwing around.

This is my rifle, this is my gun, this is for business, this for fun!

Funny, how very little blood letting is associated in Wall Street competition; except for those expendable bodies handed over to the gladiators for Wall Street's thumbs or thumbs down bonus babies.

Glad you pointed out #6. Otherwise some people might actually believe the BS of #5.


You couldn't be more correct.

"Derivatives? I don't know nothin about that Senator. Oh, I remmeber. His father and I were in the olive oil business, once. But that was a long time ago."

Bing, you saved the best for last. As long as everybody gets to keep their bonus, the other nine items won't bother these guys.

You wrote #4 with the intention of making us laugh or do you really believe that???

That's Nuremberg, Paul. Nuremberg.

My apologies.

7. Money can't buy, and doesn't need to buy, handsomeness.

Wall Street owns the House and Senate. They have nothing to worry about since they can always move their donations on to someone else. Senator Dodd has an excellent opportunity to be a man of the people since he's leaving office, but instead he's showing his stripes as a man of Wall Street by watering down reform efforts. Dodd doesn't have to fear the voters this fall, so he can openly take care of his future bosses. I'm sure his new career working as a consultant on Wall Street will be extremely lucrative.

Re #7, trophy wives (or mistresses) typically value handsomeness somewhat less than a fat bank account (and the willingness to spend it lavishly). So yeah, the banker guys aren't all that attractive. They still get the good-lookin' cheerleader babes.