10 things you can do to prepare for vacation

Vacation Dates

1. Send a memo to Bob, asking him if it's okay for you to take two whole weeks together, and informing him of the date and perhaps asking whether it fits with his vacation plans. This will not only serve the function of informing him of your potential non-presence and coordinating it with his own, but also remind him that he, too, will be taking some time off and that others might be entitled to some also.

2. Inform your colleagues and, if you are a manager of some sort, your reportees that you will be away, telling them when, and making sure that your functions are covered during your absence. If any important subordinates were planning to take the same time, and it would destroy your peace of mind while you are away if they did so, simply tell them that they're out of luck. Establishing a bona fide vacation is a war. There are going to be casualties, one of which should not be your vacation.

3. Make sure you have your passport up to date, if you are traveling abroad. Once you ascertain that all is in order, make sure to drop the fact that you have done so to Bob, employing a breezy and informative style that let's him know that your vacation is proceeding according to plan and that you're happy about it and hope he shares that happiness, seeing how he's so tuned in to other people's feelings and all.

4. Make sure that your electronics work at the location to which you are going. Cell phones are not as important as BlackBerrys. This is not because you will be doing e-mails all the time or that you wish to be reachable 24-7, but because by doing half an hour of messaging first thing in the morning and at the end of the day, you will be avoiding the nightmare of returning to 8,756 e-mails in your inbox, some of which were marked URGENT! even though you put up an away message. After you have done this, by the way, you may observe to Bob in an offhand way how incredible it is that BlackBerrys work in the mountains of Wyoming.

5. Get any shots that you require if you are going to places like Belize, which has bugs as big as footballs, and jungles that sport diseases that haven't been invented in humans yet. Don't forget to complain that those inoculations hurt within earshot of Bob.

6. One week before your vacation, take a look at your schedule. People will have stuffed it with things to do for the two weeks you are planning to be away. There is no logical reason why this happens, but it does. "What's this meeting with Beanie and Cecil doing on my calendar?" you may ask the person who put it there. "I'm going to be away, as I told you sixteen times already." To which they will reply, "You're going away? Really?" In all cases, set about clearing your time and delegating the important stuff to other people.

7. If you are a manager, a few days before your departure call in each of your key people and once again inquire what they are planning to do during your absence. At least one will mention that he or she was planning to be away, in spite of the fact that you have ensured that nobody was going to be doing so. There is no logical reason why this happens, but it does. Be kind to this person, because they are likely to be a future boss and you have to be careful how you treat people when they're on the way up, because they may be the ones who are treating you on the way down. But do make sure that your ducks are in order for your time away, which means that they are all present and accounted for. Don't forget to complain to Bob about how hard it is to do this.

8.  Wednesday before your last Friday, Bob will inform you of an important meeting/project that will have to be done "next week." This is a critical moment. Fools and wimps will in a trembling voice remind Bob of their vacation plans, but promise to be "reachable" when necessary. Do not do this. Executive amnesia is a form of authoritarian terrorism that must be fought. "Bob," you may say as calmly and inoffensively as possible, "As I told you several times, I'm out next week and the week after." Bob will look confused and hurt. He may even lightly question your loyalty or dedication. That's all right. A display of spine is seldom out of place in what we do. Of course, if the corporation is being sold, or you are about to be named to a big new position, all bets may be off. Organizations can spoil the best of plans and often do. But 99.99% of the time, the ability to disregard other people's needs is pure executive brain flatulence. Manage it.

9. On Friday morning, as you begin the process of packing up to leave, a host, a myriad, a phalanx of problems, challenges and effluvia will fly up and hit you in the face. In some cases, this will be just bad luck and you will have to work your head off to get rid of them. Sometimes it will be other people's anxieties surfacing in the knowledge that you are actually not going to be there, a notion that is making them freak out. You may soothe them by telling them quietly that you will be on BlackBerry now and then, but that if they bother you with little stuff you will rip off their noses when you return. Make sure your desk is clear. Leave an away message on your e-mail. Say goodbye to your colleagues and thank them for covering your butt while you're away. Then wait for the inevitable phone call.

10. At 5:45 in the evening of the day you are leaving the office for the last time in the next couple of weeks, Bob will call. It will be about nothing. You will laugh and scratch for a while. He will mention that he's looking forward to the weekend. You will say NOTHING about your vacation, but allow how you can't wait to get out of the office either. Then, as you are wrapping up this pleasant conversation, Bob will say, "So, I'll see you Monday, then." Breathe. Let the silence grow between you on the phone line. "Bob," you may then say, but that is all. Nine times out of ten, that will be enough. "Oh, right," Bob will reply after some time, very sad, very hurt, a tiny puppy being abandoned by its owner, "You're flaking out for a couple of weeks." To which you may say, "Right." He will then wish you bon voyage, and probably tell you all about his vacation plans. The one time out of ten that he gives you a hard time? What can I say. Do what you have to do. The guy's a madman. But even madmen need limits, maybe more than other people, even.

Now... breaking your desire to stay in touch while you're away? That's another story.

15 Comments Add Comment

Don't forget to turn on your e-mail out of office assistant - with a message that you will have "limited" access to e-mail while you are gone (you can say "no access" if you are feeling brave). Also refer them to someone else who will probably be on vacation whose e-mail will refer them back to you to form the perfect endless loop.

Bing, this is the kind of prose that makes you a best-selling author. Fabulous stuff!

I agree with the last sentance...the ability to disengage is difficult to attain for some...another "holism" that is hard to shake...

You are the Buhdda of BizZen!!!

Move everything down a slot and make a new number one:

1- Strangle Bob. Bury him.

Everything goes much easier after that.

Bing...No! You do NOT mention the blackberry working in the mountains. You do NOT mention that you will have your blackberry on you! You are basically saying, "I care. I volunteer to work while I'm away." That's a bad example.

What you should say is what I say: Don't call me unless the building is on fire. Have a great two weeks.

Joanna, with that attitude, in this job market (hiring employers have the advantage...lotsa people lined up to take your job)...if you worked for me, the key word would be "worked"...past tence...I need people on my team who care...and if the building is on fire...why do you care? You aint there...no worries!

With all due respect...thanks!

My problem is that I find it impossible to disengage. Like a motorist who cannot look away from a gruesome car wreck, I must stay tuned on what's going at work. Insecurity? I don't think so...I could retire at any time. Goofy enough to think I'm the only one who can do the job? Nope, I have several very competent young pups who'd manage quite well. I think I'm more like an old draft horse that can't imagine any life out of the harness.

At the end of my Mom's life she said the worst thing about getting old was not being needed. Maybe this is a remnant of wanting to be useful to a human tribe of some sort (or it's off to the ice flow!).

Bing! You are a life, er vacation saver! Family is planning a nice Caribbean vacation in late July and I just read #3 "Make sure you have your passport up to date, if you are traveling abroad." Glad I checked...it expired in September 08. Guess I will be expediting that first thing tomorrow. I miss the old days when all you needed was a drivers license to visit any random island in the Caribbean.....

Bing, you're not going to go on vacation for a couple of weeks, leaving us like poor tiny whinny puppies without the Bing Blog for a couple of weeks, are you?

Actually, Mike, yes. I'm going to try to. I may post a little thing here and there from wherever it is I'm going, but I'm going to try to take a breather. Why not go back into the Bing Archives for the Best of Bing? Leave some comments on the timeless chestnuts of 2007 and 2008? You'd be amazed how fresh and pungent they remain -- and relatively uncommented on, too, since those were the days before our current massive army of wise folks and lunatics had assembled. Go for it, Mike!

I had the perfect boss, once upon a time. He was, among other things, in charge of handling all disaster responses for a global telecommunications firm ... which can be a tall order when a hurricane whacks about a thousand cell towers in Florida or whatever.

When he went on vacation, he was out of the country and out of touch for two weeks. Period. No limited access to email for him.

I was one of the subordinates trusted to take over while he was away. I was expected to sit in his office, make decisions, and live with the consequences ... not defer problems until he returned. He demanded that he return to an empty inbox and a one-page status report.

He fully expected that he would not hold his position for eternity, and considered training replacements to be part of his responsibility.

He expected every one of us to manage our staff in the same manner. It was hard filling in for him when he was away, but it was also great to be *expected* to go on vacation without a cell phone or laptop. Oddly enough, the world never ended while any of us were on vacation.

I've always considered that man's approach to his vacation, and his corresponding dedication to ensuring that he was not indespensible to be a yardstick for measuring organizations ever since.

Something to think about for all you bosses out there, as vacations approach. Do you control your environment, or does it control you?

I may try that. Might be like watching one of those Twilight Zone or Star Trek festivals (back when Shatner had his own hair).....where you occasionally run across one you've never watched before.

Let me know your favorites, Mike, if you like.

Leeroy I like the comment.

Bing Enjoy it, I know the "equity" exists on the company's side but you earned the right to a vacation...especially after launching a new website with microsoft... Man you must be tired.

go back to the archives? what if we just tune in as usual and post stuff anyway? i have some favorite
people i like to read almost much as the columns.

i just got back from a trip where the entire town was composed of glenn beck clones and i was at a loss on complimenting their arsenals. hope your trip is a little better. nice to hear from mike, leeroy, jack and all.
have a smashingly good time bing!

I am taking a short vacation this weekend. My master plan is to make sure my voicemail inbox is full. This way, when I return Monday, there will be no messages. Mwahahaha