Bing Blog

Great panics I have known

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1. Ebola: We were all going to die of it.

2. Bird Flu: We were all going to die of it.

3. Y2K: Our computers were all going to die of it.

4. Global Warming: We're still going to die of it, but it 's a more long term thing so only a few people are still on it. As a panic, it's SO yesterday.

5. Japan will take over the world: Until their economy went blooey.

6. China will take over the world: Still a working paranoid concept, but again, collective ADD has moved on.

7. Mad cow disease: We were all going to die of it as our brains leaked out of our ears.

8. AIDS: Anybody who ate in an upscale restaurant would probably get it.

9. Russsia would bury us: They said they would!

10. Nuclear War: The jury is still out on that one.

11. The recession will last for 10 years: As soon as we get over this swine flu thing, that could well be back, given the number of shorts who stand to profit by it.

Look, I gotta go. The day is young out here in California. We still have time for three or four mini-panics before our first martini. Have a calm weekend, huh?

25 Comments Add Comment

Yeah, but this swine flu thing is scary!

ZOMG it turn u into a pig!

I think Global Warming has morphed into 'Climate Change' - so it's back on the radar (well, it's temporarily on the back burner as we panic over the economy, but it will be front and center again when it's convenient)

One more:

"We're out of gin!"

Bing, it's interesting that people get worked up over the panic items and completely ignore the number one killer - natural causes. The last time I checked, the death rate in our world is still 100%. If one of the 'panics' doesn't get us, natural causes will.

Perhaps we should start a Natural Causes Foundation, raise a bunch of money and fix it.

The gas shortage? Bagged spinach? And how about marijuana? Remember how one small toke would turn you insane?

Three Mile Island.

Pre-panic: Yucca Mountain.

But worst of all:

"I blew out my flip flop.
Stepped on a poptop.
Cut my heel.
Had to cruise on back home."

This column was great Bing, good reminder and example on how easy we are to swallow rumors and be manipulated by those mysterious guys on the world backstage. Cholera and the latest: Porky Flu, good example.

Actually Bing they all did happen. As cosmic radiation came spewing through the hole in the ozone layer and the aliens invaded we ran out of oil with which to make our escape and are all now enslaved with our memories wiped providing sustenance to the matrix. But don't panic.

I remember when California was going to fall into the ocean. About 1972? Another panic we knew. So hang on, Bing.

"The economy is fundamentally strong". I heard that back in September of last year and it gave me the chills.

Y2K was one of the more amusing scares (and a great way to drum up fees for consultants: this was one of the key drivers of Indian IT firms getting a foothold in the US market).

Knew a guy who put together an investment vehicle that went short anything related to software and hoped for the worst. When it became apparent that Y2K was a non-issue, he had to unwind it at a big loss for investors. Would have been a home run if the subsequent crash had happened just a bit closer to 1/1/2000. I guess timing is everything.

Maybe getting short in anticipation of the ham-demic will coincide with a bottom in the market.

My great panic's aren't as grand as yours:

Being asked to produce proof of insurance and registration.

Wondering what the girl friend meant when she said she was a month late.

Trying to get to the booze peddlars
store before he closes up for the night.

Other than that, I don't give a dam if the commies bury us, or the pig flu kills off the planet.

Life is too short to sweat the big issues. Besides, there are people who get paid to deal with those problems.

I remember when Bush was elected POTUS in 2000 which gave the Republicans control of the executive branch, House, and Senate. There was panic among the Democrats that the Republicans would rule for all eternity. The Republicans also had such a panic attack when Clinton was elected in 1992 and the Democrats controlled all of Washinton.
Now the Republicans are going through the same process all over again with the Democratic press telling them that there only way back is to think and act like Democrats. History is on the side of patience and revamping the Republican model.

Swine flu is so yesterday. Today's crisis is the Justice Souter retirement. Is BO going to a liberal or a middle-of-the-roader? Does BO know Justice?

Most of us will die because of old age, or some cruel twist of fate...What? worry? Well, maybe sometimes...but we still have to get up in the morning (or whatever time of day we may arise from our sleep platform)

Panic is for chumps...knock it off!

Panics, I've got a few, too few to mention; but, here we go anyhow.

Berlin Airlift, when Russians established roadblocks to western allies from having access to the international city, Berlin.

North Korea invaded South Korea forcing a police acion into a war between the two Koreas.

The firing of Gen. Douglas MacArthur, WWII Pacific Commander, who was at the time the U.N. Allied Commander of forces in Korea.

On the lite side, Christine Jorgensen became world famous in a Sweden first surgery.

Dien Bien Phu fell to the communists.

Kennedy Assasination.

Gulf Of Tonkin incident.




I need a baloney sandwich!

Remember how one small toke would turn you insane?

Posted By Tim, McKinleyville

That is so true, one toke of mary jane can make you crazy,,,stay away from odd numbered tokes, always take a second toke to make it even and balance out the effect.

If you are feeling crazy, it's because your toke is odd numbered.

Marijuana is illegal! Unless you have a doctor's prescripion...

Ron White said he was prescibed marijuana for depression, because he gets depressed when he's out of marijuana...

Stay within the boundries, people...

OK, Here's one more to worry about. So far, Bing has not responded to any of our posts. The reason for this has to be that the dreaded Bing Monsters got him!

Now we really have a problem...

Jim, when I have no idea what you guys are talking about, I sometimes sit out and just watch the birdie go back and forth.

Is this toke and coke rhaposdy playing on this Bing Blog a joke?

I get it: "We'll all go to heaven in a little row boat"!

Oh! So that's it, thanks Jack, We should all correct the toke imbalance immediately. I would also agree with Robbie, but I can't remember what he wrote.

The panics we have seen in public health and environmentalism were most times, unfounded. If we could sit these groups down and read off the laundry list of ill advised "cautions!!!" they advised, and demand some explanation, it would be interesting. DDT, dioxin, salt, power lines, silent spring, alar...etc. I am in the field of public health and distance myself from the health nags and environmentally rabid. I think it may be due to the fight for research dollars Making ones study ominus enough to warrant further dollars encourages embellishments. Also do the needs of 24 hour news and ratings.

So, how about writing that there seems to be a correlation between decreased marijuana use and the emergence of deadly flu. Some bloggers are unearthing this association.

Maybe the news will pick it up, and morph into marijuana cures flu and economic woes. Works for me.

You wanna panic? Just wait until the saucers land and the aliens slink out. We'll do something monumentally stupid to piss them off and they will respond in an unimaginably original and violent way.

Then "Action-News" reporters will be "at the scene" blowing out their brains on-camera, 10 foot deep stacks of dead bodies on sidewalks below buildings higher than 30 stories will inhibit foot-travel, and the concept of "the future" will be stripped of all meaning as mere survival will become not only preposterously difficult, but debatable as a worthwhile goal.

Man, the ratings will be through the roof.

And the gun and alcohol companies should have a good year, too.

Back in about 1979 the climatologists were convinced that we were headed into another ice-age. The way the weather's been in Spokane I'm inclined to think they were right. Maybe the current bunch over-estimated cow-fart green-house gas production or something. They're all about as accurate as economists, but have slightly more personality.

We won´t die cuz Chuck Norris will save us all!