Bing Blog

Hey, Mr. Geithner! Over here!

Tim Geithner

On April 1, Tim Geithner, speaking from the big G20 love fest, told Katie Couric that he would certainly consider replacing the CEOs of any bailed-out entity that the administration felt wasn't performing up to snuff. I don't think there's anybody out there who doesn't think that's a good idea. You take the money. You do the job. If you don't, so long Charley, right? Right.

This will undoubtedly leave a huge CEO gap in a number of large institutions. In many cases, the government will probably try to fill the void with an executive who has been on the corporate scene before, as they did at General Motors. There's certainly a rationale for that. The anointed one knows the company in question. He has some experience in the trenches. At the same time, isn't that individual likely to be as much part of the problem as the solution? The Who said it: "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss." Is that what we're really after?

I submit that there are many qualified individuals from outside each of these banks, car companies, insurance behemoths and other corporate states that are now at least partially owned by We, the People. I believe I am one of them.

Following are my qualifications to be a New Bailout CEO: 

  • I have many nice suits and would not need government help to acquire any before ascending to my new post; 
  • I have lost some hair over the years and now am required, on bad days, to do a moderate comb-over; 
  • I don't really understand a lot about the economy, relying on others for their wisdom, and would therefore not put up any resistance to virtually any plan that Mr. Geithner, Mr. Ratner or Mr. Ed, for that matter, might have in mind; 
  • I can read a Teleprompter very well, and will not go off-point, ever, no matter what; 
  • I can still button my jacket when I sit down, which is more than I can say about a lot of these guys; 
  • I believe that Business can come back and am willing to say so; 
  • I have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, which is clearly a qualification for haute executive status; 
  • I am a big fan of Mr. Obama and all his guys; 
  • I don't mind taking a Town Car to appointments and have been doing so for many years, and would by no means insist on a stretch limo like some of these other bozos; 
  • I fly commercial all the time and would promise to continue to do so; 
  • I'm good at a cocktail party; 
  • I like to delegate the important stuff. 

Of course, the compensation would have to make sense. I know the limits, which have been well-publicized. But what's the upside?

29 Comments Add Comment

With that list of qualifications you could run all of those companies at once! If you do, who will write this blog?

Hey Jack, are you busy?

I think I should be a bailout CEO because:

-I can talk in office quotes
-When I arrive, I bring the fire
-I would make workplaces safer by adding to the sign "Danger, in case of fire do not use evevator"... use water
And lastly,
-I will be around for ever to take care of things due to the fact that Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.


Upside: The sky's the limit.

You're hired. You certainly can't do any worse and possibly might do considerably better.

You will, of course, have to pass a background check.

What would happen to the Bing Blog?

Bill, I would continue to do the blog, because a CEO's time is his own.

Your qualification list reminds me of an old radio program-Big Joes Happiness Exchange. Joe started his program each night with the following-"I don't want to be rich and I can't be good looking, so all I want to be is happy." Try it.

Bing, you can go to AIG. Bob can have the next auto industry slot, less of a relocation expense. Jack's at the top of the list if the whale blubber industry takes a sudden turn for the worse.

Stan, Ceos always start in the stratosphere of the organization to hand pick their team of entreprenuers; the results are where you see them--mediocre at best!

I've been to meetings conducted by entrepreneurs, or excutives that said a lot of words that nobody comprehended.

After the meeting, taking a break in the break area; the janitor who was emptying the trash enlightened our little group with more cutting edge knowledge in ten minutes than the director did in a hour.

Moral of this Bing-Blog---hire good janitors before you hire any CEOs.

Bing, I think you're eminently over-qualified for one of these Geithner 'plug and play' CEO positions. The only attribute you'd have to suppress is your basic human decency, and you've obviously been around enough corporate sociopaths to know how to fake it.

I think I found a new job. I match those qualifications. Well except the "comb over" and I would have to buy the new suits.

Memo to Bing from the Chief Headhunter for company X.

We have reviewed your resume and are pleased to announce that you have made the short list for possible candidates with regard to our CEO opening.

The final interview will be a test of your ability to hide money, creatively account for profits, and a brief outline as to how you would position this company for future Tarp funding.

CC. B. Madoff
R. Wagoner

You ask what is the upside? How about giving the people faith that there are
ceo's we can trust. Your blog shows your intelligence, competence and and decency. You can roll with the punches and keep going when things get tough. Your humor and humanity in this blog shows that there are big shots at the top who can and will do the right thing and that kind of hope is a very big upside for the people who need it right now.

I am superbly qualified as in my prior two jobs and my current one, I have done virtually no work. Oh sure I answer a few questions now and then and call the USA bosses nightly to reinforce their egos, but that is it. Seems firms just want a warm USA type body in their foreign offices.

Who better than someone who is highly experienced at doing nothing?

Stan, we've all heard of Super Man, Bat Man, Spider Man, Plastic man, and Handy Man of ("Living Colors").

North of us in the abyss of the Canadian Mist there is a man, a very strange enchanted man, who wanders about shrouded in mystery.

He seems to be searching for the ultimate partner---Wonder Woman!

What can possibly drive him on his mission impossible---Apple Jack maybe?

I believe we've encountered a new phenomenenon in strange creatures; can this man on this impossible mission searching for his wonder woman be "TESTOSTERONE MAN?

What input does Jack Hammond have about this mysterious creature?

I imagine a seal oil lamp would be more effective than a flashlight to defrost the windows inside of that Volkswapon after a testosterone episode like he described.

So now what? The most inefficient organization in the world is controlling more businesses that they know nothing about. Hands off! Taxpayers, not the voters, don't want to bail anyone out. The government is investing in poor assests with other peoples money. (what else is new) Let them fail on there own. Either way the labor pool grows and small business gets bigger. We become more efficient. Pull the band-aid off already....

Bob,,,every woman is a wonder woman to me.

I wonder what they are thinking?

I wonder how they arrived at that conclusion.

I wonder what they will be blaming me for next.

I wonder why they did that & I wonder why they didn't do that.

I wonder why they can remember every word I said 5 years ago, the color of the T shirt I was wearing and if or not it had a ketchup stain on it,,,,,but they cannot remember that I told them to put gas in the car yesterday...

Don't get me wrong I like women, they are God's gift to men,,,just there are times when you know God has a wicked sense of hummor...

The government appointing CEO's! These people scare me!

Jack, there's a wonder woman in every honky tonk bar; they just make you wonder where your money went.......

Dudes, I appreciate your musings on the subject of women, but if I were a woman reading this blog I would be cringing, and we don't want that, do we? Let's stick to the vast canvas before us and move on. Unless, of course, there are women out there who would like to offer some generalizations about men... now THAT would be interesting.

Ok, I will bite. I grew up with brothers and a dad I just adored. I like men and do not find them mysterious and think men and women are far more similar than different. In college, I was in a physics class that was 90% male. I held my own. 20 years later, my daughter went through the same course at the same school but the ratio was getting close to 50%. Men and women have the same emotions but women feel no need to hide them and are not obsessed with pecking order. Men also seem a little more paranoid about possible dangers. As we age, we become very similar except men lose a little hair and women grow a bit of a beard. I seem to growing a small foo man choo myself.

Help me out here guys, what is it with the lawn obsession? Some type of "guarding the perimeter" thing? Does a well manicured flat expanse make it easier to see predators or evil males? If you think bed bath and beyond is pointless and excruciatingly boring, think about how we feel when you go on about fertilizers and how much you spend on machines to manicure grass!

God love you, though.

Thank you Mr. Bing.

We are the guardians, the once proud warriors, of steadily declining male territories. Grant what little dignity is left it the sanctity of our lawns, recliners, or remote TV controllers.

Do we talk about feelings? No, and most men worry about men who spend too much time talking about their feelings or displaying an inordinate amount of interest in their hair. I am blessed to be 40 years into a marriage where I've never once had my wife ask 'what are you thinking about?'....believe me ladies, you don't really want to know, and if we told you we'd just get into trouble.

a topic of large interest to women. we often sit and ponder on that.

Flirting can be taken out of context. The Bing-Blog flirts with ideas; surely not "cupid".

There are many other web sites that focus on "cupid". Bing would't think of such a thing, would he?

My only question is how a blog about CEO qualifications turned into a discussion why men like to worry about their lawns. Is it possible that we've gotten to the point where actual discussion of Business is so boring and depressing that nobody can stay on point?

Bing, everyone is just so sick and tired of not being listened to by their politicians that it is impossible for them to really care about anything having to do with this "crisis". So we ignore the questions, glance over the answers, and muse about something that makes us happier. This is probably why philosophy appears to have really gained momentum during the time of the first republics.

We need more citizens to become involved in the political process. This is why I am running against Barney Frank in 2010. Let's see if people actually want a voice in their government. Wish me luck, Bing.

Bing, you missed one of your key qualifications: the ability to keep your people on point (e.g. your prior post re subject matter).

Due to my lack of ability to tell people what they want to hear, I will not be applying for a Bailout CEO role.

Being on point is limited only by experience, intellect, and the ability to see links or, at times, patties.

Discussing business isn't boring, but it certainly is extremely depressing. I don't know if 'depressing' is the right word...I think most people are simply overwhelmed and totally fatigued by the situation. Remember when a discussion of bailouts brought hundreds of blog responses? People are numb...and those are the ones who still have jobs.