Bulls**t Jobs

Organizational Development Consultant

Corporate Change

A reader in Los Angeles writes:

When an organization goes through a major transition they need professionals to consult with leadership regarding change management, strategic planning, team development, management development, 360 degree feedback, and culture and climate assessment. . . or do they?

When you spend all day stating the obvious repeatedly, frightening leadership into complying with your will by consistent reminders that “staff will have a negative reaction to this change” and playing babysitter during meetings by asking “What are we all going to take away from this meeting?” it’s hard to justify your existence. An effective Organizational Development Consultant’s goal is to give you a permanent case of "the Mondays" while taking control. Think “the Bobs" from Office Space . . . but less useful.

Pardon, I have to resume my report regarding who’s filling out their TPS report in octuplicate, and then finish my projections about the staffs’ inevitable mutiny after the transition from pink to blue urinal cakes.

Pay: Enough to buy a house in Los Angeles.

Perks: Undue respect.

Drawbacks: Constant fear that they’ll find out.

How to get this job: You can’t make the change . . . go back to your cube. Nice stapler.

1 Comment Add Comment

Ha! Yep, that is what I want to do for a living! I am in the process of leaving the "corporation" to be this type of consultant... and yes, it is total B*llshit but they are willing to pay for it. God knows they tried to suck the life out of me and I am more than willing to take their money!

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