My Exciting Memoir

The Saga Begins!

Hero

I'm thinking seriously about writing a memoir because everybody is doing it.

More importantly, some are even being paid for it. There are, as usual, good reasons to consider this, and also some obstacles that I would have to overcome. Let's look at them. 

Good Reasons: 

  • Could be a payday
  • My life is as interesting as anybody's?
  • I've been in business for a long time and have a bunch of boring stories that could be entertaining to idiots like me
  • I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king. I've been up and down and over and out, but I know one thing. Each time I find myself flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race. 

Obstacles: 

  • I remember very little of anything.
  • Much of my life has been spent sitting in a chair. 
  • When I wasn't sitting in a chair, I was doing some interesting things I suppose. I mean, they were interesting to me, but I'm not too sure they'd be interesting to anybody else. 
  • If I make stuff up about my life, other people may call me on it and then there would be a scandal and I'd be disgraced because nobody likes a memoir that has made up stuff in it. Except basically every memoir does. The whole genre is polluted with lies and exaggerations, because that's the way people remember things. For instance, I remember that my ex-wife was the cause of the problems between us. I'm sure she remembers the exact opposite. What if she goes on a talk show after the book is published and calls me a fabricating bum? That would be unpleasant. 
  • It may be boring to talk about myself over and over again for chapter after chapter. I actually don't like to talk about myself all that much. In fact, I'm writing this under a pseudonym. When I was a kid, even, I wanted to be a hero of some kind with a secret identity. Why would I want to reveal my identity now? 

In the end, I guess it comes down to 1) payday and 2) I don't want to be one of those guys where they say, "hey, he did a lot of stuff but he tragically never left a memoir behind and was the only person of his generation not to do so. How unimportant he must have been!" 

So here goes. I warn you. Some of what follows will be boring. Some will be completely fabricated. And much of it will be tedious and pedestrian. But in the end, it will be a memoir, no doubt about that. I guess I'd better hurry before the fad passes, huh? 

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